RideNYS.com The Fear Thing

The Fear Thing:

I have been knocking my brains out about how to approach this subject – scared of horses, terrified of horses, fear of horses, etc.

The only thing I can tell you is that unless someone has already been there no one truly understands how you feel or what you are talking about. It is completely different than being nervous or apprehensive. Most just don't get it.

It is totally gut-wrenching fear – your belly is all twisted up, your mind is telling you that you are going to die, or be a parapalegic, or have broken bones, or laid up for 6 months – in other words, you are going to be HURT, and you do not want to be hurt. And that is pretty much all you can think about when you even begin to think of riding again.

I have been there so I really do know what you feel and what you are talking about. The others don't. Period. I was scared to death. I sure did learn humility.

You could have this fear for a number of reasons, usually, but not always, the reason is that on your last or a recent ride you had a crash, your little darling scared the bejesus out of you by bucking or bolting, and/or you simply are just doing the “what if” crash scenario and your mind races away with all the horrendous things that could happen while you are riding.

You may or may not have been hurt but you have tried riding again, found that you just could not do it, and have given up. Yet, your love for horses is so huge and you really want to do this again and you haven't got a clue how to fix this.

Even the thought of it makes you queasy, a wreck, and gives you the trots or you just throw up or cry. So, maybe you have tried again, or even a few times – and things still didn't work out. Either way, how you feel about yourself is not a good place to be, you have a lot of shame and embarrassment to you try to hide it, avoid the subject altogether or make joke of it. Yet you still long to be with horses. What a mess !

So in addition to all of this, you now hate yourself and think of yourself as this big freaking coward with no guts. Friends say, just get over it or just do it or just suck it up. Period. Not much empathy there at all. So you feel even worse now.

I can tell you that “just get over it “ does not work – and you already know that, because you have really tried. Did it work? Nope? Did you feel worse than you did before? Yep! Is your fear gone? Nope.

We have many folks that come here that are where you are right now. And, believe me, I was there too, right where you are. It's just awful. As in, I am never going to ride again, and I am so lost because horses are an integral part of my life and maybe, even of who I am.

We admire the folks so much that come here to try to manage the fear because we do truly know what it takes to try doing this horse thing again.

It is such a balancing act – the terror vs the love of horses – just like on a teeter-totter.

The fear is debilitating. Period. No other way to describe it.

c...............................................to be continued ….........if I can just get myself into gear and knock off the riding for a spell ! I still have the fear but have learned how to manage it – that is what we can help you with. And, we do a pretty darn good job with it.